vent about medical violence
CW: medical trauma, terror about doctors, ableism, suicide
i think that doctors / official authories are Very High Threat Level because they have the equivalent of Special Powers (And Official Privileges) that i cannot comprehend
me: can u just like shoot a gun at me instead
me: i am definitely being violenced but this is somehow worse, the verbal degradation of my severest medical pains and vulnerabilities and issues and suffering
me: im being mocked and dismissed but the dismissal is a concealed go fuck yourself you fucking hysteric hypochondriac
i think the worst part of being violenced by medical authorities just always and all the time is the knowledge if they deny me care there is 0 things i can do about it there's literally nothing and no way to convince them that i'm having severe issues if they do not wish to believe me or do anything about it
what they write down becomes The Word of God and i as a fucking invalid scumbag shit "patient" know nothing and cannot be believed, no words i say will be believed
bc God (doctor) has decreed otherwise in my medical records
i have uhhh a really sickly delusional and extremely terror stricken fear of doctors i feel is difficult for people to understand like they're like it's "just" a doctor just go to another one some doctors are shitty im sorry u had that bad experience but it's not going to kill u yk
me: it makes me feel literally so fucking annihilated i will kill myself because of it. no i wont but i will no i wont